An Enclosure

Amende

Between the questions and answers resides this perplexity now. I tried it so many times, to write, to write letters. But the pen was more tempted to undo them. The heart felt words that purr even when I resolve to fail myself. I tried to be carefully careless. Yes, I have failed myself and moved on. Did I really move on? Do I really want to move on?

I laughed and smiled on triviality. I did not listen to the words spoken to me. Was I scared? I have no answers. Probably, the answers are so loud now that they leave me dead-frozen. This could not complete the crossword of this feeling. I do not know which words to pick, and from which lexicon.

I write and I cannot decipher the purport. My desolations are lost in the forest of reason. The bell of “image” rang so loudly that the sugar-coated utterances were misplaced. They were lost in translation, I have failed them, I have scorned them, I have defeated them … slaughtered, murdered, and buried. How ruthlessly I have washed my hands clean!

Are my hands really clean? They have stains of blood. Yes, I am guilty. Are there any courtrooms to convict me? I have no alibi. I am guilty of murder. I yell and there is no one to hear. I am preordained to live among the deaf. There are no words. I am jinxed! I am the Pandora’s Box, not to be opened…

Nothing can deliver my crippled soul…but the acceptance. Yes, I have accepted but only to ruin this soul.

As it goes without saying …“sorry seems to be the hardest word”.